Cheese jokes

Below are some of the well-known cheese jokes and puns! (Please send new joke ideas to andy.s@thecourtyarddairy.co.uk.)

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Well-known cheese jokes and cheese puns

What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?  Halloumi.
What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?  Camembert.
What cheese can you disguise a small horse with?  Mascapone.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?  Nacho cheese. (one of many variants on the Nacho cheese joke)
What type of cheese is made backwards?  Edam.
How do you handle dangerous cheese?  Caerphilly.
What’s a Pirates favourite cheese?  Chedd-AAR.
There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France… all that was left was de brie.
What do cheese salesmen say?  That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
Which is the most religious cheese?  Emmental… it’s very hol(e)y….
Which cheese is an alcoholic?  Livarot.
What does cheese like to drink?  Morbier
Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a brie, I Cheddar the world and the Feta cheese, everybodys looking for Stilton.
What music does cheese listen to?  R & Brie.
How did the cheese paint his wife?  He double Gloucester.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone?  Because the Roquefort back.
When can’t you see a cheese?  When it’s pasteurised..
When should you go on a cheese diet?  If you need to cheddar a few pounds.
Why does cheese look sane?  Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?  Looking Gouda…
What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why did the Greek woman stop eating cheese? Because she was getting Feta and Feta.
Why did the clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn’t get his Stilton. (C Trial)
I don’t know what to do with this pungent Dutch cheese but if I had to go out on a limb burger. (J Bull)
Would a smoked cheese grow on a tree? No, but an applewood. (M Lane)
What would be a Cornish pirate’s favourite cheese? Yarrrrrrg. (S Humprery)
Why did the French washed rind jump off a bridge? He couldn’t take it any Langres. (A Jacob)
Want to get hypnotised by some cheese, then it’s got to be pasteurised. (H House)
I used to work as a cheesemonger, but I camembert it any longer. (H House)
My business making clothes out of cheese has gone bust…..turns out that fromage frays. (I Cooper)
What did the queen say when someone through cheese at her?…….”How Dairy” (I Cooper)
What d’you say to get rid of an old French cheese? It’s Tomme to go. (M Scowcroft)
How do you confess your love to a Canadian cheesemonger? Teleme  (K Olson)
What’s the best breed of dog to find a lost Stilton? A Colston Bassett hound!! (J Short)

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