Government to make not eating cheese illegal?

cheese-gift-voucher-pictureTHE UK’s Department for Dairy (UKDforD) has today released an official white paper stating that the government intends over the next five years to incentivise all UK adults to eat cheese at least once per week.  This is part of a three-phase response by the government to help Britain’s dairy farmers by easing the pressure on the industry caused by below-cost milk prices.  The white paper has further been prompted by recent scientific evidence pointing out that the natural whole fats found in cheese might actually be better for you than previously thought.  Phases two and three are likely to include working towards making it illegal for UK adults not to eat cheese at least once each week.

Asked how the incentive would be managed, the government’s chief spokesperson, Guy Romit, said, “It will work in a similar way to tax credits.  Each UK household will be issued with ‘cheese-vouchers’ that they must then redeem at any retailer in exchange for their weekly allowance of cheese”.  Chief Executive Officer at the UKDforD, Walt Lace, added, “The fact is, we simply need more people eating cheese …  and if people try to get around the incentive by eating cheese with holes in it, then we will insist that they eat double the amount.”

Cheesemongers and cheese-makers throughout the country are said to be thrilled with this news.  Andy Swinscoe, owner of specialist cheesemonger The Courtyard Dairy in Settle, was quick to come out in support of the government’s initiative.  “I’ve been telling people cheese is one of their ‘five a day’ for years,” he said, “and now it seems I’ve been proved right.  I’m delighted that the government has seen the light.”

The first round of ‘cheese vouchers’ will be distributed to all UK households on 1st April 2018.

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